Lighten Up - Joke Sharing

Thought I'd share a good joke with you fellas.

An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees"! "What powerful rivers"! "What beautiful animals"! He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"? The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"?

"Very Well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

Feel free to share yours .... I'll probably post a few more

So appropiate, when you think about it, for someone who can turn into a bear; and likes to crunch on gnomes.

No Joke here, just a smart ar$e comment - which I'm sure you all expect! heheh

LOL!! hehe i like that one, heres my own contribution, some poeple might have already read it though
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Rogue says 'Got a quest to kill a fel reaver - anyone want to group?'
Crickets chirp.
Priest says 'Me too, who wants to group with me?'
Mage says 'I do!'
Hunter says 'I do!'
Warrior says 'I do!'
Druid says 'Need ranged DPS?'
Shaman says 'I do!'
Paladin says 'Hey, I can heal too!'
Warlock says 'Sure, why not?'
Priest says 'Okay, I'll take Mage, Warrior, Warlock, and Hunter.'
Rogue says 'Aw, crap.'
Hunter points and laughs at Druid.
Druid shifts into cat form for no apparent reason.
Buffs happen with nifty /party chat macros.
Warlock, Shaman, Paladin, Hunter, Druid, and Priest /whisper Mage, 'water plz'
Mage sighs.
Warrior says 'Trash mob wander incoming. I got it.'
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 75.
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 71.
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 75.
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 74.
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 81.
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 86.
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 68.
Warrior crits Trash Mob for 135.
Warrior says 'I rock!'
Trash Mob is at 98% health.
Hunter says 'Wow, look at Mr. Protection Spec go.'
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 81.
Warrior crits Trash Mob for 146.
Warrior says 'A new record!'
Warrior flexes.
Mage burns his meditate for mana to make more water.
Warlock summons an imp.
Imp says 'Man, that warrior sucks.'
Warrior is still whittling away at Trash Mob.
Hunter says 'Anyone have any meat?'
Hunter's Pet sighs.
Druid shifts into travel form for no apparent reason.
Paladin says 'Hey, I can heal too!'
Shaman says 'So can I, but you don't see me getting nerfed, do you?'
Paladin sighs.
Rogue says 'I'll help!'
Rogue backstabs Trash Mob for 1450.
Rogue cheap shots Trash Mob.
Trash Mob is stunned!
Rogue hits Trash Mob for 605.
Rogue crits Trash Mob for 1145.
Rogue hits Trash Mob for 786.
Rogue crits Trash Mob for 1044.
Rogue crits Trash Mob for 1089.
Rogue points and laughs at Warrior.
Warrior says 'Hey, guess who forgot to sunder?'
Trash Mob hits Rogue for 1014.
Trash Mob hits Rogue for 989.
Trash Mob crits Rogue for 2155.
Trash Mob crits Rogue for 2341.
Rogue has died.
Warrior points and laughs at Rogue.
Warlock says 'Fine, I'll handle it.'
Warlock summons a felguard.
Felguard points and laughs at Warrior.
Warrior cries.
Warlock sends in Felguard.
Warlock casts a DoT.
Warlock casts another DoT.
Warlock casts yet another DoT.
Warlock nukes the crap out of the mob while juggling, reading War and Peace, and watching reruns of Cops on TV.
Felguard holds aggro the whole time.
Trash Mob has died.
Warlock receives Soul Shard.
Hunter slaps Hunter's Pet.
Hunter says 'Pay attention!'
Shaman probably said something here, but who listens to them anyway?
Mage finishes handing out water to everyone.
Warrior and Hunter whisper Mage, 'food plz'
Priest says 'Hurry up, Mage - let's go!'
Mage contemplates rerolling.
Druid shifts into bear form for no apparent reason.
Warrior says 'Okay, pulling more trash mobs.'
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 93.
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 96.
Warrior hits Trash Mob for 91.
Shaman says 'I'll help.'
Shaman drops an air totem.
Shaman drops an earth totem.
Shaman casts Rockbiter.
Shaman says 'OOM'
Shaman sits.
Paladin says 'At least I'm not that guy.'
Hunter says 'Anyone got any arrows?'
Mage says 'I got this.'
Mage summons Air Elemental.
Mage orders Air Elemental to attack.
Mage orders Air Elemental to attack.
Mage orders Air Elemental to attack.
Mage orders Air Elemental to attack.
Air Elemental just stands there.
Mage says '6 months and they still haven't fixed this stupid bug!'
Mage hits Trash Mob for 1441.
Mage hits Trash Mob for 1255.
Warrior says 'Yeah, about those sunders...'
Trash Mob hits Mage for 1340.
Trash Mob hits Mage for 1412.
Mage is encased in a block of ice!
Mage says 'I'm used to it.'
Shaman stands up.
Shaman drops a fire totem.
Shaman drops a water totem.
Shaman casts Lightning Shield.
Shaman says 'OOM'
Shaman sits.
Druid runs off to find some water so he can shift to sea lion form for no apparent reason.
Priest heals Mage for 4103.
Rogue yells 'Oh, I see how it is!'
Priest shrugs.
Warlock kills the Trash Mob accidentally while discussing Tolstoy with someone over AIM.
Warlock receives Soul Shard.
Mage sighs.
Druid comes back with a Fel Reaver chasing him.
Warrior says 'On it!'
Warrior charges the Fel Reaver.
Mage, Hunter, and Paladin attack the Fel Reaver.
Shaman is still OOM.
Warlock is now AFK.
Rogue whispers Druid, 'battle rez?'
Druid whispers Rogue, 'I'm balance specced!'
Rogue sighs.
Priest heals Warrior for a lot.
Druid shifts into moonkin form.
Mage says 'Seriously?'
Mage nukes the Fel Reaver for a lot.
Hunter shoots the Fel Reaver for a lot.
Druid nukes the Fel Reaver for not as much as Mage.
Fel Reaver crits Druid for 12000.
Druid is dead.
Mage yells 'WTB threat reduction, PST to Druid!'
Hunter snickers.
Fel Reaver is sort of beat up.
Fel Reaver cleaves Warrior for 1200.
Fel Reaver cleaves Paladin for 1340.
Fel Reaver cleaves Hunter's Pet for 1560.
Hunter's Pet is dead.
Hunter says 'Anyone have any meat?'
Fel Reaver cleaves Warrior for 1386.
Fel Reaver cleaves Paladin for 1421.
Paladin panics.
Paladin bubblehearths.
Priest, Mage, Warrior, Shaman and Hunter shake their heads.
Priest says 'OOM!'
Shaman stands up.
Shaman says 'I've got heals.'
Shaman heals Warrior for 800.
Shaman heals Warrior for 810.
Shaman heals Warrior for 786.
Shaman heals Warrior for 803.
Shaman says 'OOM'
Shaman sits.
Priest sighs.
Fel Reaver hits Warrior like Warrior stole his bike.
Warrior is dead.
Mage does the math.
Mage is encased in a block of ice!
Hunter does the math.
Hunter feigns death.
Priest does the math.
Priest fades.
Shaman does the math.
Shaman sighs.
Fel Reaver hits Shaman for a really, really big number.
Shaman is dead.
Shaman is resurrected.
Shaman says 'Self rez FTW!'
Fel Reaver hits Shaman for an even bigger number.
Shaman is dead.
Fel Reaver turns Priest into chunky salsa.
Priest is dead.
Mage pops Cold Snap.
Mage is encased in a block of ice!
Mage says 'Hey, 30 seconds is better than nothing.'
Fel Reaver gnaws on the ice.
Mage makes out his last will and testament.
Fel Reaver stomps Mage like a narc at a biker rally.
Mage is dead.
Warlock is no longer AFK.
Warlock looks around.
Warlock shrugs.
Warlock sends in Felguard.
Warlock casts a DoT.
Warlock casts another DoT.
Warlock casts yet another DoT.
Warlock fear kites the Fel Reaver while taking an online test on quantum physics.
Fel Reaver is dead.
Warlock receives Soul Shard.
Hunter sighs.
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Wow, long .. but so true. Locks need to be nerfed seriously, they are th most overpowered class in the game.

yea its a bit of a rave but i have never wavered in my opinion ever scince i first read it that it has undenniable win, more so than any other joke i have read. i like yours though, i had a good chuckle over it

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.' The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The girl replied, 'Here, put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.' He was surprised at her suggestion but did so- and it warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold. ' The girl replied 'then put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up.' He did and warmed his nose. The now excited boyfriend thinking fast said, 'Gosh my penis is frozen solid!.'

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?' Slightly concerned the mother said, 'Why, yes. Why do you ask?' The daughter replies, 'They make one heck of a mess when they defrost, don't they?'

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.' The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The girl replied, 'Here, put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.' He was surprised at her suggestion but did so- and it warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold. ' The girl replied 'then put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up.' He did and warmed his nose. The now excited boyfriend thinking fast said, 'Gosh my penis is frozen solid!.'

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?' Slightly concerned the mother said, 'Why, yes. Why do you ask?' The daughter replies, 'They make one heck of a mess when they defrost, don't they?'